Life is hard enough. I might as well make fun of it.

I think today was pretty productive. I actually did a lot of stuff. I spent eight hours staring at my MacBook tweeting my brain away. I’m pretty sure my highly addictive nature is exactly what the Twitter creators had in mind when they designed the website. Thank goodness I’m no longer on Facebook. I probably would’ve spent four more hours just staring like a zombie at my friends’ status updates. Social networking is my online crack-cocaine.

I watched Egypt and Justin Bieber compete for top trending on Twitter, but the Bieber Meister eventually beat out the celebration going on over the toppling of President Mubarak. Well, former president now. #Congratulations #Egypt #Jan25. And allegedly the authoritarian ruler had amassed (stolen) so much money in twenty years that he had collected $5 billion in his Swiss bank account. That’s an enormously generous severance package. I knew I worked for the wrong company.

You should have read the tweets about Egypt, especially ones sent out by comedians. That @SteveMartinToGo is one real funny guy. I was ROFL reading his 140 character or less lines: “Great news! I am the new President of Egypt! Just call me HoseKnee! Can’t wait to try on the REAL King Tut hat!” and “Mubarak’s dancin’ wear: dress socks, sandals, bag over head.” I mean that’s some witty stuff. I could never come up with such quips even if you gave me ten thousand years to sit down and try. Jwoww! I meant, just wow!

Going back to the Biebs, I had never seen so many grown men fawn over an adolescent young man since, well, Zac Efron and High School Musical. I don’t think Efron got nearly the same amount of attention though. Come on! Even Shaquille O’Neal enthused about Bieber’s biopic Never Say Never. #NSN3D 4ever bb! And Gayle King. Hmm, I wonder what Oprah thinks about her ravings. I’m really inspired and I can’t wait to see the movie when I download a pirated copy of it. I don’t care about the loud screaming audible in the background or the jumping girls that might block the view. I’ll wait in three months until I can download the ripped DVD version. Just like Shaq, I want to be just like Justin Bieber when I grow up. This movie will change my life.

I also listened to Lady Gaga’s new song, Born This Way, and was sorely disappointed. I still love Lady Gaga, but her song reminded me too much of Madonna circa 1990 and not in a good way either. I searched Google if anyone else thought the same. About 100 people agreed and 90 million people were quick to defend their idol. Just search through Twitter and read the comments on Youtube.com. The Little Monsters even posted nasty comments criticizing Madge and her song on one of the Original Pop Queen’s music videos. I think it was her hit song Express Yourself from 1989. God bless her soul. Oh, wait, she’s not dead yet. I was confused when I found out that Madonna was with Jesus. I must have been living under a rock because I had no idea that Madonna is more than 2, 000 years old. Anyway, kids these days just have no respect for their elders.

I must admit that Lady Gaga is Master Imitator. Whenever I see her in photos, she constantly reminds me of Grace Jones. Ok, I don’t really know who Grace Jones is, but I Googled her. I might be nearing thirty but I’m still not that old. And her songs, they always make me think of Madonna. I have to give props to the Fame Monster because she managed to rip off Madonna’s Express Yourself in two songs: her Alejandro video is almost a carbon copy of Madonna’s video and Born This Way is an almost perfect knock off of the song. Now that’s genius. Maybe it’s just me, but Born This Way’s lyrics also remind me of the King of Pop’s Black or White.

I couldn’t forget that fashion week kicked off in New York today, so I looked at pictures of some shows on Style.com. Fashion’s getting super high-tech; some designers streamed their presentations live online. I would never have guessed that Cynthia Rowley would trend on Twitter. I don’t think even Anna Wintour has been top ten. I heard Tumblr scored 25 tickets to coveted fashion shows that it distributed to its bloggers.

I really miss seeing these waiflike teenage models walking back from the tents in Bryant Park. Crap, I forgot that I’ve been abroad for two years, and they moved the shows to Lincoln Center last year. It doesn’t do me any good now that I don’t live on 51^st and 9^th. I miss getting pushed in line to get my seat assignment (always standing room), my knees buckling in terror from standing amidst these starving fashionistas. I know I get really grouchy when I haven’t eaten. But no worries, I can now check their pictures on the Sartorialist’s blog, not to mention many other replicate websites.

I know my time would’ve been better spent looking for a job, but it’s Friday. Even some working people get to take off Fridays in some offices, so why not give myself a break. Three-day weekend, yeah! Looking for a job is hard enough why not make fun of it.



One of my great such talents is my excellent communication. I practiced this gift of gab by spending half the day gossiping on the phone and spending thirty minutes at a time by the water cooler to talk about my favorite shows. It wouldn’t be a stretch to call myself popular. Whenever they heard my footsteps, my colleagues would scramble to their desks. They simply could not wait to hear my stories. And they loved my laugh too. It was just really so infectious that when I would cackle with laughter about something funny that I said, I could hear giggles from the next cubicles.

My organization skills are also something to be lauded. I always made sure that my work area was neat and clean, so I was quick to pass a project to someone else and say no to complicated tasks. It was an utmost priority to keep my desk free of clutters so any papers lying around was bound to make its way in the trash. One time, my co-worker left an important presentation on my desk and I just could not tolerate that. When she asked me about it later, I just told her I had no idea what she was talking about. Uh hum! You know where it was.

I can speak seven languages if you count knowing how to say “hello” and “thank you” in Italian, Spanish, French, Mandarin, German and Arabic being conversant in a foreign language. I’m also very flexible. Years of stretching and doing yoga have made me so versatile that I can bend myself into a pretzel. I never failed to call in sick if I missed a session at the gym.

I’m very resourceful as well. I think Google is the best thing that I’ve ever discovered. I remember this time when my boss asked me to do some research for a new marketing material. So, I went online and bam! It was all laid out for me. I just copied and pasted everything, and guess what? It was all found on our own company website. Yep, I’m really that smart.

I wish I could go on and tell you about how I have saved so many lives. But that’s really irrelevant unless I’m applying for a job as a healthcare professional or a priest. And speaking of priests, I would’ve given Ratzinger (aka Pope Benedict XVI) a run for his money had I been Catholic or willing to convert to Catholicism. But I will remain a pious atheist because, really, if there was a God. Well, you know what I mean.

Looking for a job is hard enough I might as well make fun of it.

It’s amazing how the high unemployment crisis has fueled a very profitable business to teach the unemployed methods to look for work. I think that’s great, but a couple of years ago this was called Head Hunting. Or was it therapy? “I’m here to coach you on how to improve your career search,” they say. Sure! How about helping me actually land an interview, much less a job?

The new career coach’s life story normally goes like this: I was let go from an entry-level dead-end job, my confidence was down, and I had no future in sight, so I got creative and set out to start my own company to take advantage of you poor suckers who could not come up with my brilliant idea(s). Of course, they don’t admit that. They grew into such experts at not finding a job that they created a profession so they could tell us what to do, or not to do, when hunting for work. Talk about do as I say and not as I do.

But I can’t deny the fact that they have become so deft at hawking their services that people are suckered by their rants; they have actually become very convincing. One advice they tell us to make us feel better is that looking for a job is a full-time job in itself. If it’s full-time work then where is my paycheck? Where are my benefits?

Of course, it’s not all fluff and nonsense advice that we all know and already exercise. Take, for example, seeking new avenues available to people like Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn to find a job. We’ve all heard of stories of people being offered a job because someone read their Twitter or saw them on Facebook. Tila Tequila found fame (or is it infamy?) on MySpace and look at where it has gotten her. She’s now an acclaimed actress. However, the chance of actually getting someone’s attention is still negligible compared to the millions of unemployed. In fact, I’ve been tweeting nonstop and I’ve even trolled to leave comments on some websites but I still haven’t secured a job.

Heck, what do I really know? I’ll be honest and tell you that I’ve actually followed much of their advice. I have even bookmarked and saved these pages on my computer. I should probably hire a personal career coach to improve my chances of getting a job. Or maybe I should follow their lead and enter the business of career coaching. Watch out for my new ebook which you can purchase on Amazon for your Kindle!

Looking for a job is hard enough, I might as well make fun of it.

This is my first entry, blah blah blah. Currently, I’m working as an expert unemployed professional counting down the days to his 30th birthday – that’s like death if you’re gay and you’re Asian, which I am. As an Asian American, I was raised to become a high achiever. I will aim to be the best at my current position and accomplish things no one in this job has ever done before. I welcome you to my world of waking up late, watching TV, masturbating to online porn, poor hygiene, and occasionally exercising by lifting heavy gallons of ice cream from the kitchen to my parents’ living room. I will beat and outperform any white, black, Hispanic or Latino man out there in the same position. My most favorite responsibility of all is yelling at the television, especially when I’m watching Real Housewives. Oh, yeah. I will also be writing cover letters and sending resumes to hundreds of Wanted Ads on Craigslist. I just need to remember not to confuse them with ads I found under Personals: Casual Encounters. Looking for a job is hard enough, I might as well make fun of it.